Flashback to September 2021. COVID ravaged the land, leaving singles everywhere isolated and with limited friend groups.
I live in Boston, MA and the story was the same here. Even though Boston is a colorful city with lots of young people and plenty of university students, the remnants of COVID isolation lingered.
COVID sparked a widespread fear, keeping people inside and created new excuses not to go out and meet new folks. Most social events, bars, restaurants and public places were just starting to return to pre-pandemic operation.
So what could people do? They resorted to dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble to find new matches. I used these apps for a while, clinging to a belief that “the right person is one just swipe away!” Single people like me in cities all across North America were fueling their dating desires online.
“the right person is just one swipe away!”
But, how many dates did I ever go on? Zero.
How many people did I make a genuine connection with? Zero.
Was my experience unique? I don’t think so.
During this time, people really lost the sense of how to network and build friendships before building romance with others initiating a chain reaction of loneliness for hopeless romantics like me.
Dating apps are like social media — quick fixes that don’t naturally support sustained growth. In other words, a dating app to a lay person is like trying to ride a bull without training — you’re set up for failure.
Hinge claims that plenty of people have found their match on these dating sites, and that’s great. But my real concern is how we approach building relationships with anyone that enters our life.
The problem with dating apps is that the relationship begins online, not face-to-face, which often results in false first impressions. It’s become apparent that people are much different online than they are in-person.
Plus, it’s easy to look at someone’s online profile and immediately judge them, which doesn’t allow for organic relationship growth.
What’s more is that dating apps have increasingly become less wholesome and less trustworthy. Tinder is a prime example of this — it’s basically the hookup app. Hinge seems to be the best option of them all, but does it really ensure you’re finding someone who lives by the same standards as you? It can still be very hard to tell.
People want real connection, not shallow relationships and certainly not hookups.
Where can it be found?
Last year, I came face-to-face with real love. And it’s actually not what you expect.
I experienced the reformation of my heart…I changed…because I found someone who will never break my heart, abandon me, mistreat me, or cheat on me. In fact, I got “married” to this person on March 26th 2022!
How do I put this in a non-corny way? I learned that I didn’t need someone to date anymore. Rather, I needed the genuine friendship, kinship and fatherhood that only one person could provide.
Know who it is?
As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love. — John 15:9
God in the flesh — a.k.a. Jesus Christ — loves me deeply and is the only thing I’ll ever need to be satisfied. I no longer have the impulse to date because I’m enjoying the relationship I get to build with Him everyday.
And there’s good news — He loves you too. If you choose to accept it, God wants to calm the hopeless romantic in you and give you fulfillment and joy that will last for the rest of your life…no dating apps required 😉
That’s what I’ve learned over the past 2 years.
It’s now September 2023 and having been “married” to Christ for about 1.5 years. Still, I’ve built solid friendships in Boston along the way. Once I put God first, I was given a community of genuine friends that I now call family. Plus, whenever I make a new friend in Boston, I can practice my love for God by making that person feel seen, heard and valued.
That’s a win!
Funny enough, I haven’t been looking for a romantic relationship at all, but one was graciously given to me. Through God’s faith and a mutual friend, I’ve was introduced to a girl out in Madison, WI and have been getting to know her for the past 5 months.
Clearly we’ve needed to support long distance communication with one another. Had it not been for COVID, I don’t think I’d have seriously considered such a long distance relationship. But now it’s not so weird. We’re connected daily and have learned to adapt.
Excitingly enough, this girl and I are moving into the stages of serious dating and I’m stoked. She’s definitely not a Tinder girl, and I didn’t meet her on Hinge. She and I love God with all our hearts, and that’s the immovable glue that’s kept us together so far.
On a human scale, meeting people in-person and making friends through your network is still the best way to go. “Organic relationships” create a solid basis of trust and in-person connection that Tinder will never fulfill.
Stop wasting time on dating apps and start making friends in your local area. Find a Meetup.com group with something you’re interested in like sports, music, food or books. Be open to meeting new people and don’t worry about what they think of you. True friends will be attracted to your natural personality.
On a spiritual scale, I’d like you to understand that the deepest, most fulfilling relationship you can have can only come from knowing Jesus Christ. The God of the universe wants to get to know you!
I pray that you…
“…may grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure o all the fullness of God.” — Ephesians 3:18–19
Despite all of these realizations and the negative light on dating apps, a few positives came from online dating app experiments.
Firstly, COVID opened doors to allow people to connect online in a caliber that was never seen before. Long distance communication became more normal.
Secondly, it allowed people to realize that real fulfillment is not found on dating apps. After all, aren’t they meant to be deleted? Get a head start and delete it now, placing your focus on real people and tangible places to put your love.
Lastly, God calls you to a deep love like no other. Real love is found in something other than yourself, and it starts with understanding your own spiritual needs. Will you answer the call?
From 2021 to now, the dating landscape has changed and certainly for the better. The sooner people realize that deep love and connection are still the most valuable thing we have, the better their social life will be.
Feel free to message me to learn more about my journey and how I can help you in yours.
✝️