My life was a Microsoft Teams calendar.

Broken down into weeks…busy days and non-busy days.

Always moving, doing, subjecting myself to the endless stream of restlessness.

Travel got the best of me.

And then, tonight, I broke.

Today I was supposed to go on a weekend retreat with my church. The event, held in the beautiful Cape Cod area, was to span from Friday night to Sunday morning. It was to be a watering hole for young 20 and 30 year old singles who followed good Christian ideals. It was to be a time of community, of workshop, of valuable prayer.

It was. As in; past tense. But today is Friday. And the retreat starts tonight, in a few hours.

This past few months has been nothing but a constant sprint — balancing work, a social life, traveling for work, seeing family on my work trips (trying to kill two birds with one stone…or 20 birds), joining a new church, making new friends, making a good impression with a new Sales Manager, managing my relationship with my roommates, switching my car parking spot, making time [trying to be successful] running a Real Estate Investment business on the side, working out constantly, dealing with a 6 year old neck injury, and staying in touch with my family and friends who are 350 miles away. And probably more.

Whew. Is that a lot?

And here I am adding another thing to the list: writing Medium blog posts.

It’s no wonder the past few weeks have felt so exhausting. I feel like an asthmatic kid who wants to beat Usain Bolt but doesn’t realize they have asthma. (That was a little harsh, but oh well, at least I don’t have asthma).

It reminds me of a song that recently came out: “Memory” by Kane Brown. The chorus goes “I want to live life fast, I don’t know how to slow down. Wanna get high, I don’t know how to come down. Help me now, I’m running on empty. And I don’t wanna be a memory.”

And this weekend could have perpetuated the cycle. But I called it off.

My fear was that I’d be letting people down — those who I coordinated with to meet with at the retreat, the guy I agreed to room with; and losing something by not going — the experience of a retreat (experiencing God in a big group setting), losing my money I spent. I don’t have FOMO, I have FOLO — Fear of Losing Out.

I called my Mom. It’s usually a good idea. Tonight it was a very good idea.

She reminded me of what I already knew. She said “You’ve been high strung for weeks, complaining you haven’t had enough time alone and wishing for relaxation. Maybe go for half the time.”

She is a superstar and I love her so much. And she was right.

So I called it off. For several reasons.

First, to break the cycle (see that fat paragraph above, ‘nuff said). Second, to get some alone time — for me and to reconnect with God. And third, to feel at home again.

I’m 1 hour deep into making that decision. And it has been the best one I’ve made in about 2 months.

I’m addicted to filling up my calendar like the 200 million Americans who clog their arteries with fast food every year. (Maybe that 200 million number is also indicative of overstimulated Americans). I know it’s a bad habit, yet I do it anyways, believing that I have to fuel the fire of progress and success in my life. Else, will I be satisfied?

So tonight I’m writing. And watching a movie. And maybe eating ice cream. And tomorrow morning I’m going to go for that hike I’ve been meaning to do for 3 months. I’m going to disconnect from the world. I’m going to be alone with God for a while. And it’s going to be glorious.

Maybe you’re running a race right now. It could be oriented towards career, fitness, socializing, paying the bills or social media. Maybe you’ve been sprinting for months. Maybe your body is so used to being out of breath, that you’ve accepted poor performance as the norm. You’ve become the asthmatic kid trying to race Usain Bolt.

Take a breath. Stop the endless cycle. Relax for an entire weekend. Take a Monday or Friday off. You deserve it. And if you don’t feel like you deserve it, then fine, maybe you don’t (you’re as stubborn as a mule!). But you probably need it more than you think.

This could be for your own sanity. Or the sanity of your husband, wife, kid, even your dog or cat. They deserve the attention you haven’t been giving them.

Try it out. Your soul will thank you for being kind to it.